Neighbours From Hell

Colin — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 08:24:54 +0000

Image: Unknown

I’m a guest of the rather wonderful Cate Master’s today. This is a special interview with lots of new information and a giveaway, so go check her blog out at: http://catemasters.blogspot.com.

We have new neighbours. They’ve moved into the adjoining house and have made their presence felt. As a result, I’m not their biggest fan.

Thankfully they are only renting. The bloke who bought the house to develop it had it up for sale, but with the credit crunch, the sign changed from FOR SALE to TO LET a couple of months ago.

The new family – two adults, 1 YA, 2 kids – moved their furniture in by hand in a series of cars last Friday – at MIDNIGHT. Outside my window were God only knows how many people, arguing over the best way to carry the wardrobe in the door. What was wrong with the furniture already in the house is beyond me, but they obviously need the storage. I lay unable to sleep and listened to them clattering up the stairs and walls, loud chattering, and music blaring. Wonderful.

The other day I came home from work and they’d tipped a huge bucket of white paint over part of the front of their garden, the pavement outside their house and onto the street. The kids and family pets got it all over their feet and dragged it up our driveway, and the cars have left tyre marks up and down the road. They’ve showed no sign of cleaning it up. Wonderful.

Every night, late at night, cars come and go from their house. They aren’t quiet people either and I’ve been woken up after midnight a couple of times in the last week alone. Last night they were renovating; hammers, shouting, kids screaming – until way after 11pm at night. Wonderful.

They are the neighbours from hell.

If you found yourself nodding in agreement as you read the last passage, there’s a chance you might be racist. You see, the new neighbours are Pakistani, and mentioning this issue has become a bit of a faux pas for some people in my street.

“Don’t say Pakistani out loud” or “Don’t mention them they might hear you” – I don’t like them for the reasons detailed above, NOT because they’re Pakistani.

I don’t like them because they’ve pissed me off by being anti-social, NOT because they’re non-white.

I don’t like them because they are only renting the property whereas I OWN my home, and that means they don’t have the right to treat the street like a dumping ground for toxins, NOT because their homeland sponsors terrorism.

There. Said it.

Over at the day job I had a good day managing to beat two major deadlines with my workload. Tired when I got home, though, but Gail made a terrific dish of tortellini with garlic bread for dinner, which perked me up.

In order to have bookmarks for my STELLA promotion, I ordered a bunch of cards from the same place I got my flyers and other material. They were much wider than I anticipated, though, so I spent last night creating a new one with two images down its length, and will cut them up using a guillotine before distributing.

This took me much longer than I intended, though, because merging the two images dropped the resolution to the point the bookmarks looked awful. I got it done eventually, but as I said, it took me ages to get it right.

Today, I have to finish up an article for a blog tour spot next week, post more promo material, polish BRIEFS, and if possible, get some work down on BACCARA BURNING. I’m meeting a friend tonight after work so won’t have time to do anything else.

Hello, I’m A Racist

Colin — Sun, 29 Mar 2009 22:22:37 +0000

Image: KNS News

I had to laugh when I read the article about the 18-year-old lad who secretly painted a 60ft penis on the roof of his parents’ mansion in Berkshire (see picture at top). Apparently it was there for a year before they even found out!

Later on, I almost cried with despair when I read the article about David Jason having to apologise for a “racist” joke he said on the radio. Despite no complaints having been made, a spokeswoman for the radio station concerned said: “The comments made were unacceptable and [the DJ] distanced himself from them live on air. We consider the views of our listeners to be very important and have received no complaints about these comments.”

What’s the world coming to? It’s okay for jokes about ourselves to be broadcast on the television but not for other races? I hear jokes about the Scots and Irish a lot, Members of Parliament are regularly ridiculed, and even our Royal Family comes in for some hefty stick now and again. But utter the phrase “turban head” and one is castigated from society.

And why is it ok for the English to make fun of us Scots, by referring to us as “the Scotch”, a shortened version of Scottish that implies we drink a lot, yet when we shorten the word Pakistani to Paki, it’s a criminal offence?

Political correctness has gone too far. David Jason shouldn’t apologise, the idiots that say we in our own country have to bow to every demand of every foreigner should. When I go to Rome I do as the Romans do out or respect for their culture, religion, and way of life. It should work both ways.

What was the intensely racist joke that caused the furore?

Q/ What do you call a Pakistani cloakroom attendant?
A/ Mahatma coat.

Snigger and you’re a racist.

Here’s another:

Q/ How do you disperse an angry Scottish mob?
A/ Start a collection.

Q/ How do you get a Scotsman onto the roof?
A/ Tell him the drinks are on the house.

Both funny – guess I must be a racist then – and you too for smiling.

The day job over the past week has been pretty demanding. As well as a full working week I worked all through the night in to Saturday morning, and was then on standby for the remainder of the weekend. All of which meant my weekend was pretty much up the spout.

In between shifts I did manage some work, believe it nor not. I wrote several poems, worked on Greener is the Grass (though not as much as I would have liked), and dealt with website queries and updates from three of my regular clients.

I need, and I can’t emphasise this enough, to get back on top. I feel like I’ve dropped the ball on almost everything I’m working on and I’m slipping into a bad place with my writing. Frustration is building despite the impending release of Stella, which is probably the only thing keeping me sane at the moment.

Cheap and free e-books: